Life's Newest Lesson: Love

I'm sitting in my apartment right now with little to no motivation to do school work. I feel like my mind is racing, that in general, I have so many feelings currently. Not to mention physically I just feel worn out. I'm still battling this ridiculous cold I've had for almost a month now, but I honestly believe my lack of productivity is due to my mind being in other places.

I just feel overwhelmed with emotion right now. It's not necessarily bad emotion either, just so much of it. I'm slow to get to my point even in typing this because I feel like if I try to get it all out too fast, that it won't make sense.

I'm at such a weird point in my life right now. I feel like school, my assignments, my working, just everything is a blur. It's important to me, I'm happy I'm doing these things for my future, but it all seems inconsequential in comparison to what's going on in my life right now emotionally.


I'm investing a lot of myself into someone else. I guess it's just hard to process that sometimes. I've never felt this way before, but I think that's because I've never given so much of myself emotionally to someone. I've never risked this much. I've never trusted this much. I guess it's not really human nature to put your needs aside. Typically our actions are derived from self-gain. I'm blown away at how much I've been giving though, what I've endured.

When I read over what I wrote, I feel like I'm rambling. What I'm trying to say is I can't believe the choices I've been making. I can tell this is a big deal for me, this is important, and I want this. I think most people would be too scared to make themselves so vulnerable to another human being. Lack of control is not a comforting sensation. I wish I could offer some insight into any headway that I'm making, but I honestly cannot tell. People are finicky creatures, and emotions can change with the wind. Something wants me to keep trying though. I will keep trying.



I never knew I could love this hard. It's been an eye opening experience. Maybe this new knowledge will make it worth it in the end, no matter the outcome.

We shall see.