Santa Was Good To Me

This year was a really good Christmas. Not because of presents or anything like that, but it just felt good. For once all of my family were there with no struggle to get them to come. This was a big deal. It's almost impossible to get my dad to show up around the holidays. He's never feeling good. I think that was the best part. It was nice to all be together. I even brought Apollo.

The kids had a great day. They got tons of cool stuff and liked playing with Apollo. My dad was in a great mood. He loves the dog too. My sister made AMAZING food and my mom loves playing with the kids.

I feel very blessed. That's the best Christmas present I ever could have gotten.

Moving Up

I finally got a promotion at work. I had been trying to get a full time position since I graduated just for job security. I'm guaranteed hours if I'm full time. My search in the psychology field hasn't panned out, but a position finally opened up at Winn-dixie. It's full time and a pay raise. I'm pretty excited. It's still not gaining me any experience for graduate school, but whatever.

I hope this opens other doors for me.

Tires Plus Special

Today had a crappy, but interesting start I suppose. I woke up early to get my oil changed before work. I brought my dog in my purse so he could get some energy out instead of being in the cage while I was gone. We sat in the shop and waiting on my car. No one even really noticed I had him. After a while I got up to check on my car. You can see the bay area through this window they have. I might have been standing ten minutes and I started to feel really sick. I went to go sit back down but they feeling wouldn't go away.

Needless to say, I passed out in the Tires Plus lobby. I know the manager so I'm sure it was quite the shocker to him and his staff. Luckily the lady sitting next to me was paying attention. I didn't get half the warning my body normally give me when that happens. I don't even remember seeing spots or anything. I just woke up slumped over my chair, my dog was falling out of my purse, and the lady next to me was asking me if I was okay. Eventually I was able to tell her I needed something sugary. She brought me two pieces of chocolate. I instantly felt more alert. I'm guess it's because I didn't eat breakfast, but I had only been awake for maybe 30 minutes. My body does a lot of weird things between all the passing out I've done since high school and my heart issues. Who know.

The manager and an employee ended up driving me home. I felt pretty crappy for a while but I still went to work from 11-8. I'm going to bed now, but I figured that out of the ordinary event was blog worthy.

Never Ending Bills

I'm still not feeling like blogging lately :( I've been feeling sad. I'm not working as much because they cut hours at work. So I'm not making as much money. I just applied to four graduate schools and that racked up a huge expense. $120 for application fees, $40 dollars for transcripts, $92 to have my test scores sent, and $25 to send addressed envelopes for my professors to mail my letters of recommendation. Coupled with Christmas presents, I have a huge credit card bill now. It's really depressing.

I applied for another position at Winn-dixie. It's a full time position so I'm really hoping it works out. I need the money really badly. I have to start paying my student loans in April. I think it's going to take me that long just to get my credit card bill down.

Stuff around the apartment feels really tense lately too. I'm stressed out and I feel like I always have so much to clean around it. It's stupid. I hate my apartment complex. I can't wait to move. I don't feel like I'm going to get into any of the graduate schools I applied to either so that would mean another year in Gainesville. I feel so out of my element. I haven't been able to get a job in the psychology field. This year hasn't bettered me at all so I don't see how I'll be even more competitive this time around.

This post is turning out to be really depressing. I'm sitting at home, alone, and bored. The dog is super hyper and I just want to be asleep already. Bleh. I guess I'll go lay down.

Recovering

I've been avoiding my blog :( For many reasons actually. No one is blogging, and like I've mentioned in previous blogs, if no one is blogging, than no one is reading. The main reason I've been on a blog hiatus is because Comet died.

On Thanksgiving, he ran out of my mom's apartment straight into the road. I ran after him, but he got too far ahead of me and he wouldn't listen to come back. He made it across one stretch of road, but on the second part of the traffic a car came and hit him. I was so angry and upset. I feel like the car could have slowed down to a stop quick enough. The car didn't even pull over afterward even though I was in the road running after Comet. Who does that? Who hits someone's dog on Thanksgiving and doesn't even stop to say sorry or offer any kind of condolences? On Thanks-freakin'-giving. It might make me wrong to say this, but I hope Karma found that person.

Comet died instantly. I screamed when the car hit him and I was crying immediately. I couldn't believe this happened right in front of me. I scooped him up out of the road and ran to the side walk. I was so disoriented after that. I hadn't even had my dog for three whole months yet. I couldn't believe he was leaving me already. My sister was right next to me soon after. She told me we could take him to the hospital and see if there was anything they could do. We must have done like 70mph across Gainesville to one of two vets open on holidays. I knew there was nothing they could do, but I was hoping and praying like crazy that I was wrong.

I can't describe to you the emotional and physical pain I experienced over the next week. My entire family was devastated at this loss. Comet has such a special connection with all of us already. He was such a unique dog.

I'm choking up just writing this. I printed all the pictures I had of him and got a special collage frame for our living room. It's like a little memorial to him.


I love you Comet. You changed my life and my heart.

Ghost Town

I feel like nobody is on Blogger anymore. I really miss reading about what everyone has been up to lately. Shout out to Miranda and Liz to start writing again! It's less inspiring to write when I have nothing to read myself. I guess it's because I feel like if I have nothing to read, then I guess nobody is really reading my blog, so what's the point?

Not much has been going on anyway to be honest. Just working all the time. Life has been pretty lame. Working mornings doesn't leave much room to do anything else. Let alone anyone be available when I'm home anyway. Robbie's birthday was this past Monday though. That was nice. I think he really liked his present and I had a good time hanging out with him and Franco. We went bowling together the day after Robbie's birthday. They had this special going on at the bowling alley. Everything was only a quarter basically. It was fun. I suck at bowling, but I don't take it too seriously.

Tomorrow is my last FSU game for the season. It's FSU's homecoming against Virginia. I'm pretty excited. Robbie is going to come with me. It's a night game so we won't get back until late, and I bet it'll be freezing. I hope everyone is in good spirit at the stadium. I love my school :)

Thanksgiving is almost here and I have no significant plans. I'm working in the morning time and none of my family is really getting together. I think it'll just be my mom, Amanda, and I. I love them, but that's a really pathetic gathering. The holidays just get crappy as you get older. I guess because everything is so built up when you're younger, but this blows. Robbie and I are going to do some black Friday shopping hopefully, even though I have no idea what to get anyone. Also, if I'm not working my sister and I might attempt to get tickets to the FSU vs. UF game from scalpers.



I feel like time is going by so quickly. I can't believe I've already been graduated for almost a whole semester...

It Will Rain

I feel pretty lonely lately. It's like the system I had since coming to Gainesville has completely changed. I'm still not a huge fan of working mornings, and I feel like I have no time for myself now. I get up super early, go to work, come home, eat, walk the dog, watch some tv, and then it's time to go to bed. Robbie goes to work shortly after I get home. It's really crappy. I feel like we haven't hung out in so long. I just want to do something together for the majority of the day. :/

I don't know... I'm probably being silly. I'm just tired of being sick and sad. I heard this song on the radio recently...it appeals to me for some reason.

Bruno Mars
"It Will Rain"

If you ever leave me, baby,
Leave some morphine at my door
'Cause it would take a whole lot of medication
To realize what we used to have,
We don't have it anymore.

There's no religion that could save me
No matter how long my knees are on the floor
So keep in mind all the sacrifices I'm makin'
To keep you by my side
To keep you from walkin' out the door.

'Cause there'll be no sunlight
If I lose you, baby
There'll be no clear skies
If I lose you, baby
Just like the clouds
My eyes will do the same, if you walk away
Everyday, it'll rain, rain, rain

I'll never be your mother's favorite
Your daddy can't even look me in the eye
Ooh, if I was in their shoes, I'd be doing the same thing
Sayin' "There goes my little girl
Walkin' with that troublesome guy"

But they're just afraid of something they can't understand
Ooh, but little darlin' watch me change their minds
Yeah for you I'll try I'll try I'll try
I'll pick up these broken pieces 'til I'm bleeding
If that'll make you mine

'Cause there'll be no sunlight
If I lose you, baby
There'll be no clear skies
If I lose you, baby
Just like the clouds
My eyes will do the same, if you walk away
Everyday, it'll rain, rain, rain.

Don't just say,
Goodbye, don't just say, goodbye
I'll pick up these broken pieces 'til I'm bleeding
If that'll make it right

'Cause there'll be no sunlight
If I lose you, baby
There'll be no clear skies
If I lose you, baby
Just like the clouds
My eyes will do the same, if you walk away
Everyday, it'll rain, rain, rain

Family Time

The past couple of days have been rough. I've been really tired, work sucks, and Robbie's working a lot on a completely different schedule then me so we haven't hung out much. I really can't stand work right now. This morning training stuff blows. It's really stressing me out trying to figure it out.


Thankfully, my mom is amazing. She's been really helpful the past few days. She's bought me several things I've needed around the house and it's been fun hanging out with her after work.

I can't wait for the weekend already.

Recently

The Florida State versus North Carolina State game was awesome. Complete blow out. FSU won 34-0. It was great. My mom had a lot of fun too. It was nice. The game was a lot calmer than the Oklahoma game, but I was expecting that. It was pretty packed, but it wasn't as anticipated as much as the Oklahoma game.

Tomorrow is Halloween. I work, but it should be fun. I bought this glittery devil horns headband and tail to wear to work. At least it'll be a little bit of Halloween spirit. I didn't have any big plans anyway. I'm going to go with my sister and the kids to trick-or-treat and bring Comet. He's going to be a hot dog. :)


Here are some other random updates and pictures from the past week or so...Robbie and I saw 50/50 the other night. GREAT movie. I highly recommend it, but if you're an easy crier, you better bring tissues.

Comet in his FSU bandana and collar


The kids at old navy. Rachel tried on a chicken costume


Me and Rachel

Comet and I

These Miles Make No Difference

I'm posting this blog in honor of my friend Liz. She's coming back to Florida for a while and I can't explain how excited that makes me.

To anyone on the outside, this post might not make sense. I didn't go to the same high school as Liz, but she was in our school's town a lot. We worked in the same grocery store, and we had several mutual friends. Even if we didn't grow up together, even if she doesn't know all of my family, and I don't know all of hers, even though right now she's hundreds of miles away, Liz is one of the best friends I have.

The beauty behind our friendship is our communication. I know wholeheartedly that I can call or text Liz about anything at any time. I can't say that about all of the people I'm "close" to, friends or family. I know that even though it bothers me when I'm busy and we haven't talked in a while, Liz understands, and it won't change our friendship, and vice versa. We both try to be there as best as we can, even when the other is going through something we've never experienced ourselves.

So this is why I'm excited and it's blog post worthy. I miss my friend, and I have been busy. It's time to catch up. It's going to be SO great to be there for her while her husband is deployed and be able to hang out with someone I remain so close with, even though we've been so far away.

Plans

Today is my day off. I'm not entirely sure what I'll do just yet, but I've decided that I'm not sitting at the house like every other day off. I have some errands to run, and I might go see my sister and the kids. The thought of spending money on gas or other various things started to deter me from doing anything, but I'm really fed up with wasting my days off at the house.

I really need to do something for me. Working 40 hours a week is really different. I thought I had all of the growing up basically done, but taking care of a household and working a full time job is a major eye opener into what life must have been like for my mom. I never realized how hard it is to budget money and keep an entire house clean until these past few months.

Whatever. Off that rant because I'm not letting it bring me down. I'm excited for Halloween even though I work the midday shift that day. Comet is dressing up as a hotdog, and I might go trick or treating with my sister and the kids and bring comet. I'll for sure take pictures :)

Hopefully tonight when I look back on my blog, I'll have had an amazing day off like I hoped. :)

Catching Up

Despite all of the bills I've piled up this month, I'm actually getting really excited for birthdays and Christmas this year. I'm going to try to budget every penny I have, work like crazy, and get everyone AWESOME gifts this year. I already got something amazing for Robbie for his birthday, so I'll probably tone down his Christmas present. I also have something pretty awesome planned for my sister's birthday present. It feels good to be on top of stuff. Normally I'm shopping last minute for everyone without a clue. Christmas shopping will inevitably be last minute like always, but hopefully I'll have a good plan in mind.

It's supposed to get cold this week. I'm pretty excited about that too. I'm so sick of the heat and high electricity bills. The holidays should also make work pretty busy. I anticipate that to be more good than bad, but we'll see. I love being busy at work. It makes the day go by so fast, and I feel productive. I work tonight. As soon as I get off I'm going to buy comet this dog food and treats that's an amazing sale on at winn-dixie right now. The food bag will last me forever and you get five packages of treats for free when you buy the food :D

There's also another FSU football game coming up. That should be fun. I invited my mom, but we'll see if she decides to come. If not then I'll invite my sister again. She had a blast last time, and it was pretty fun going with her.

Things have been pretty good this month besides money. The post office lost Comet's flea medicine, and it was really expensive, but the pharmacy sent out another one for free finally, and there's just been other normal expenses racking up. I feel like it's all over soon though, and I'll be catching up.

Hopefully.

The Too Busy Beat

Every time I start a new post, I never know how to begin it. I know what subjects I want to talk about, and I know basically how I'll approach them, but I always feel like I need some kind of opener. It's weird. I feel like this is my own personal forum to vent, but I guess I still want some kind of organization.

With that being said, my heart is bothering me again lately. It's been hurting all day long, for two days now, but last night was so much worse. I laid in bed and cried for three hours. I'm sick of going to doctors and hospital only to be told there's nothing wrong. I can't afford that bull crap right now. I feel like something needs to be done though. This feeling can't be normal. I definitely feel stressed out lately though. I'm working SO much it's ridiculous. I've come to the conclusion that I need a new job. I'm not getting paid enough, so it doesn't matter how much I work, I'm still coming up short in the end.

Everything isn't miserable though. I'm really happy that Robbie and I are officially together. It feels great to say that. I feel good about this. :)


Other random stuff this week, I took Comet to the vet for heart worm medicine. It turned out a lot cheaper than I expected. The vet said he was completely healthy too. I'm so glad. I finally closed the store in less than an hour too. That was really exciting. It's been taking me until 12:50am every night. Unfortunately, my work schedule this week is pretty lame.

That's my mission though. New job. Less stress. Hopefully.

Finally

Robbie and I are officially dating :) Feels good to finally say that.

Reversing The Damage

My mom had a few surgeries on one of her eyes yesterday. She went back to the doctor today and it turns out the surgery was successful. So far her pressure is down significantly in that one eye. They're even talking about her possibly getting her license back. She has a lot of monitoring to be done on that eye for the next month or so, but they might be doing the same surgery on her other eye too. I know she's super excited with the results. I hope that if she is able to get her license back, that she'll have the confidence she needs to drive safely. It's too soon to tell how much of a difference in her sight it made just yet. She's still in a lot of pain.

I can't believe what a turn around it's been. She got a new doctor recently and I think that has a lot to do with the change. I'm really happy for her and i hope she continues to progress.

:D

Gratitude

Today was not what I was hoping for on my day off. It was my first day off in five days. I really wanted to relax, kick this cold out of me, but also do something fun with my time away from work. I didn't do any of that. I didn't even get to the doctor. It's so frustrating now when my time away from work is wasted. I feel like I'm ALWAYS at winn-dixie. I NEED time for myself now. I keep finding myself so stressed out I'm on the verge of tears. It's not fair and honestly I don't see why it's this way. It shouldn't be.

I guess it's because today was sort of a bad day, but I'm just really doubtful of a lot of things now. I feel like I'm working so hard. I'm putting a lot of time, energy, and resources into things that I don't get anything in return from. It's disappointing. I don't understand how I keep finding myself in this position. I'm really tired of getting taken advantage of.

It's really hard to find motivation to tackle graduate school applications lately too. That's a dead weight in the back of my mind. I need to just get it done, but it's so hard to find a good chunk of time.

Ugh, I don't know. I feel like this blog is unorganized and it's making me mad. Today just wasn't good.

Guess I Never Got My Cootie Shot

I'm so sick right now it's not even funny. This is the worst cold I've had in a long time. It started out really minor, just a slightly sore throat. The next day I wake up with a 100.2 fever, body aches like crazy, sore throat, head and nasal congestion. Nothing I take for the symptoms helps at all. I'm surprised I'm not sick from how much medicine I took so far. My nose hurts so much from blowing it constantly.

I haven't been able to call out of work either. There's no one that can cover my shifts, and I don't want to get in trouble. I can't really afford to miss work either :/

Tomorrow is my much awaited day off. I'm sad that I'll still be sick, but whatever, at least I'm not at work.

Winding Down

The FSU game was pretty fun. I'm disappointed that we didn't win, but I'm glad I went with my sister. We were both pumped up the whole time, really supporting FSU. It made me feel good to go back. Maybe we'll win next time I go.

Now it's just back to the grind. I work for the next four days in a row. I'm doing a lot of training at work right now in my new position. It's been fun and interesting. Nothing too hard just yet, but I might feel differently when I'm on my own doing it.

Speaking of work, I hung out with a girl from Winn-dixie tonight that lives in the same complex as me. We let our dogs hang out together, and we sat and talked. It was pretty good. Better than just sitting around the apartment. I hope we hang out more. It'll be nice to make friends at work.

Comet definitely needs some training. He's doing better around dogs now that he's played with other dogs some, but he's still a little crazy. I love him so much though. I definitely don't regret getting him :)

I still have work tomorrow. I'm pretty exhausted. Good night.

Fear The Spear

Today is the FSU vs Oklahoma game! I'm so excited. My sister should be at my apartment shortly. We have some errands to run before we head to Tallahassee but I think it'll be fun. I really hope we win. We've played well so far. Every game I've been to we lost, so it'd be a nice change of pace for me if we won :)

I imagine Tallahassee is going to be madness. There's so many people going to this game. I can't wait to get lunch at Jersey Mikes and I hope parking isn't impossible once we get there.

Please God be with the Florida State Seminoles today!


GO 'NOLES!

Work, Sleep, Repeat

I hit my first wall with this working business. Since I've started at this Winn-dixie, work has been going by pretty fast. I stay busy, so it helps. This week hasn't been the case though. Time is DRAGGING at work, and I feel like I spend my every second at Winn-dixie. I want so badly to be able to do something worthwhile on my days off so the work week doesn't feel like this consistently.

The new schedule comes out today. Hopefully, I get the days off that I requested. The FSU vs Oklahoma game is this Saturday. Hopefully going to it with my sister will break up the monotony. Or not...considering coming back from vacation is what caused the onset of this boredom I think. I just wish there was more to do in Gainesville. Every fun thing I can think of to do on my days off requires far driving, and a lot of money. It's so lame!

Oh well...Comet is adjusting nicely. We only had once accident in the house so far. I've extended our walks so that doesn't happen anymore. He's so affectionate. He follows me everywhere and lays all over me. It's cute. This is exactly what I wanted when I pictured adopting a dog. We're still getting used to each other and I'm still learning new things about him. This is the first time I've had a dog of my own, so if anyone has any tips on breaking bad behaviors or training dogs, feel free to share. So far my two biggest concerns are him running away when he's off his leash and him trying to knock the garbage can over.

Well...I'm off to get ready for work....Great.

Comet

I found the newest addition to my family today!



His name is Comet. He's a Pomeranian. I know he doesn't look like the typical Pomeranian, but that's because his hair is cut short right now. He has a cut on his back. The rescue shelter I adopted him from said they think it was a snake bite from when he was with his previous owners. It's a pretty bad cut, but they had him on antibiotics. They said it just needs to heal now. He's 2 years old and he's so full of energy. I love him! He doesn't like cats or small animals. He starts barking and it's this real throaty deep bark for such a small dog. It's cute. They made it sound like he had behavioral problems at the rescue shelter, but now that he's away from all the commotion, he's totally calm.

He follows me all over the apartment. We've been on several walks today. I'm so happy I found him. :)

Jersday Baby

My trip to Jersey was absolutely amazing. We got there Thursday morning. The flight was really smooth. We picked up our rental car, which was a white Volvo T5. Pretty awesome car. It was fun riding around in style compared to my car. We got some lunch with an old family friend after everything was settled at the airport. It was fun, the food was good, and it was nice to catch up some. Thursday night wasn't so great. I got really sick. Apparently it was a sinus infection. I went to the doctor later in the trip for meds.

Friday we went to Hoboken to go to Carlo's Bakery. I think this was what I was most excited to do during the trip. The bakery was awesome. I would have bought so much more than I did if I would have known how cheap it was. I also bought a Carlo's Bakery shirt. I have some pictures, but I'll post those later. After Hoboken, we came back to the hotel and got ready for dinner. We got sushi with the bride to be. That was so much fun. It was nice to hang out with Cristina and my sis and just talk.

Saturday was jam packed with wedding stuff. We got our hair and make-up done from like 12-1:30. I was completely in love with my hair and make-up. I've never gotten it done that nice. Maybe it's just me, but I thought my sister and I looked absolutely amazing. We took so many pictures haha! The wedding started at 2:30. The ceremony was nice, I'll have pictures up later. After the ceremony was the reception. It started with a cocktail hour outside at the bride's family's restaurant. It was so pretty outside and the champagne was absolutely amazing. I wish I knew what it was called. There was so much food just at the cocktail hour. It was so over the top, I can't even explain. Again, more pictures to come later. Went the cocktail hour was over, we went inside the restaurant hall. The food inside was outrageous too. It started with this Portuguese soup, then steak, lobster tail, and shrimp, with sauteed potatoes and asparagus. For dessert, there was an entire table of various pastries and an entire wedding cake. I have so many pictures of this, but I'm just too tired to re-size them all right now.

The wedding was so much fun. My sister and I danced the majority of the time. I got to try sangria, and a few other drinks, we hung out with some of Trisha's old friends. It was just a good time.

Sunday my sister and I went to NYC. We walked around time square a little bit, ate at Lombardi's in little Italy, and shopped in SOHO and Chinatown. It was pretty awesome. As soon as we got back to the hotel, we changed, and took of to Atlantic City. We went to the Borgata hotel casino. It's the first time I've ever been to AC. My sister and I both set a $100 max spending limit. I ended up leaving ahead of the game so I was pretty happy :)

Monday, we drove around some places we used to live, and hang out at, got some amazing lunch, shopped a little at the mall, and then headed back to the airport. It was a smooth ride home too.

I'm happy to be back, but it was definitely a vacation withdrawal at first. It's crappy to come back to responsibilities at home, and work, but I'm happy this is where I am. I definitely will have more pictures of the trip soon, especially the food. We ate such good food! Here's a taste of the trip for now :D

Jet Setting

I leave for New Jersey tomorrow. I'm pretty nervous considering how badly hurricane Irene affected the area. I hope the week ends up being fun and safe, above all else, for my sister and I.

I probably won't be online at all while I'm there. Wish me luck!

Blueberry

I know I have some previous posts expressing how badly I want a long-coat german shepherd puppy, but until I have the means to make that happen and the environment for that type of dog, this is my new mission:


Meet Blueberry



She is a Blue Pit Bull Terrier mix. She's three years old and she seems like the perfect dog. She's timid, but she has a rough past. The shelter found her with severe heart worms. She's been on medication, and she's getting better. I really want to adopt her but I have to get my apartment on board. They have a weight restriction which is 30lbs. Blueberry is 50lbs :/ I'm going to bring a picture and lie about her weight. Maybe I'll get some lee-way. The adoption fee is $150 and the pet deposit here is $200 though. I need to find out how to get that money and soon if I can get the apartment on board.

I fell in love though. I really want Blueberry.

The Sunnier Side Of Things

I feel like I'm scrambling to get ahead lately. The job hunt since I graduated is not going well at all. I have my job at Winn-dixie, but even trying to move up in a better position in that store hasn't been too successful. I've applied to other jobs too and I'm not even getting interviews at these places. It's really discouraging. I don't get it. It's not like I'm applying for positions that I'm definitely not qualified for. Everything I've applied to I meet the minimum requirements and I have some experience in the field. I know the job market is competitive right now, but I feel like I have a lot to offer.

It's really weighing on my mind only working at winn-dixie though. The bills situation isn't look too good, and I feel like I could deplete my savings really quickly if my hours at work change in the slightest. I'm going to keep trying, I just don't want to resort to two lame part-time jobs. I wish I could just get a full time position some where and work winn-dixie, or get a part time in the psychology field and do winn-dixie at nights.

Other than financial stress, things have been pretty good. I feel like my heart hasn't been in my blog posts lately, just because I've been so busy, but things really have gotten better. I've been feeling pretty happy. I really hope things stay this way. I feel like this is how it's always supposed to have been.

Well I'm off to work...again. New Jersey trip is less than a week. Should be a BLAST. When I get back, it's time to hardcore save money, and get back on the graduate school applications. Tomorrow is my day off.

Thank God.

Die Hard Fan

I got my three game package of football tickets in the mail today. I'm so excited. I have tickets for the FSU VS Oklahoma, NC State, and Virginia games. The Oklahoma game is really soon. I can't wait. I hope my sister can go with me.

I've never been so excited for college football in my life. I feel like I finally belong in this hick town with everyone's die hard love for football. I'm going to go all out, garnet and gold everything.

Now I just need to find a way to get cheaper tickets to the FSU vs UF game.

Go Seminoles!

Working Girl

I feel like I live at Winn-dixie this week. I'm grateful for all the hours I'm working, but man, I LIVE for my days off now. Work has been alright. I still feel like the outsider there. Like people talk to me, but it's awkward the whole time. I haven't encountered any major problems so far. It makes me nervous going into work though, I don't want to make any mistakes in my new position.

I really hope I make some solid friends there soon. I was really starting to feel like my co-workers in Tallahassee were like my family.

Ten days until New Jersey. I'm pretty excited. I think it'll be a lot of fun hanging out with my sister. I feel like this post is lack-luster though. I guess my heart just isn't in it being so busy lately. I still love you though blogger. Maybe another post after work tonight.

New Place, New Me

I'm going to attempt the big update post since graduation. The past two weeks have been so busy, I'm losing my sense of time. It STILL hasn't hit me that I'm a college graduate. All the new people I'm meeting lately keep asking me if I'm a student at UF and it's so weird to say, 'No, I graduated.' I feel as though they think I mean high school or something with the looks they give me. Although it's been crazy busy, it's been fun. Here's the break down.

So graduation was on a Saturday. We packed up the Uhaul Monday morning with the big furniture and moved everything in Monday afternoon. It was such a tiring day, and I was so grateful for all of the help Robbie and Franco gave. My mom has been really great about helping with the adjustment too. We got the big furniture put together that day, but I still had a ton of boxes to unload and put away.

I had work the very next day though. The new winn-dixie is pretty cool. I feel like the management really like me. I got offered a full time customer service position which is the job security I wanted. I should be guaranteed a certain amount of hours now. I've talked to a couple other associates too, but it's still awkward for now. Hopefully as time passes people get more used to me.

I did the bulk of setting the apartment up on my days off. Everything is put away now, and the apartment is pretty clean. My room isn't decorated yet, but that'll come in time. I like the apartment. It's not home quite yet, and some things need to be fixed, but it's been fun having Amanda here, and Robbie dropping by.

It's been weird not having anything to do besides work. It feels good to have time to make money though. My car has been acting up which is worrying me. I hope it's something simple and inexpensive, but that's never the case with my car :/

The trip to New Jersey is two weeks away. I'm pretty excited, but it's also a little nerve-racking leaving when things are still new here. I hope everything works out.

Well, that's all I have for now. Things are going to be really different in Gainesville, but I'm hoping the change will be good for me.

Back Online

So I officially have internet in my new apartment now. That was a fiasco in itself. I'll post an official everything-since-graduation-and-moving-post soon...but for now...


I'm back!

Mini Graduation

I'm officially a Florida State University graduate. That blows my mind. I feel like it still hasn't hit me. I don't know if it has something to do with graduating early, or what, but I still feel like I'll be in classes in a few weeks. This weekend has been pretty hectic with graduation and moving from Tallahassee. It's not over yet either because come Monday I'll be doing it all again moving into Gainesville.

Robbie, Amanda, my mom, and my sister were at my apartment this weekend helping me get the last minute stuff into cars and get ready for graduation. We all went to the reservation Friday which was pretty fun. They had this camp of kids there so we couldn't rent kayaks, but Amanda and Robbie got a canoe, and my sister and I did this paddle board thing. It looks like an over-sized surf board that you stand on and paddle across the water. It was hilarious because my sister and I have absolutely no balance, but we managed not to fall in. This is what it looks like on google images:


We ate a lot of good food, especially Jersey Mike's after graduation. I LOVE that place. I'll miss it so much. Graduation itself was pretty awesome. I'm going to post a few pictures on this post, but I'll have more up from other people's cameras when I'm settled in at Gainesville. It was pretty early in the morning, and the ceremony was long and hot in our gowns. It was awesome though. Our speaker was this lady that graduated from FSU a while ago, and now she's this broadway actress and what not. It was pretty exciting walking across the stage and knowing what I accomplished, but it all went by so fast.

Nothing made my day better than having my mom, sister, Amanda, and Robbie there on my big day. I'm so happy to have them. So here are the pictures I have until I get settled in to Gainesville tomorrow. I start work at Tuesday, so it's going to be a hectic adjustment period. I'm excited though.

Reality Doesn't Seem Very Real

I'm sitting at my apartment reading over slide after slide for my final exam tomorrow. I wonder if professors know how paralyzing it is to study for a final exam. It's your last chance to do well, but also, it's so close to the end that you have ZERO motivation to study. My body is in 'done' mode already. What really sucks is that try as I might, this information is not making sense. I feel like this whole course has been over my head. I keep pushing forward and keep reading over the slides, but I feel like I'm getting no where....Oh well, I guess it'll all be over tomorrow afternoon anyway.

It still hasn't really hit me that I'm leaving Tallahassee. I have the majority of my apartment packed and already gone to Gainesville, but it blows my mind. My friends and family are starting to come up for graduation tomorrow and Friday. It's still not real though. I don't know how I'll feel Saturday. Should be interesting.

Tomorrow I'm going to get up early, study, and get spray tan for graduation. I've never done spray tan, but I hope it comes out alright. I want to feel pretty and confident on my big day. I'm taking some graduation photos Friday morning too, so hopefully it helps for that as well.

Things have been a lot better in general lately too. I've been stressed out, and for good reason, but things are pretty good right now. I say this almost every time, but I hope it lasts. I'm not sure what to make of the quick changes, but I'm hoping the onset of the bad, brought out the new, permanent good. Moving to Gainesville is definitely shaping out to be more than I imagined.

I'm still in shock about graduation. Why hasn't it hit me yet?

Almose Done

So this weekend is my last normal weekend in Tallahassee. Next weekend is graduation, so there's no hanging out really. It's kind of like, just loading up and leaving weekend.

So far this weekend has been great. I'm happy I didn't drive home more boxes. It feels good to have a weekend at my apartment, relaxing, and hanging out. I'm getting anxious about everything coming up. I have a final exam soon, and then making sure I'm set to move out. It just feels so crazy.


Bottom line, this weekend has been pretty good. I'm grateful for that. :D

That's What She Said...

Graduation and moving to Gainesville is coming so quickly. I feel like I still have so much to do, so much to pack, and so much on my mind with no time to get it all done. I've been trying to make a mental check list, and accomplish everything like shutting the electric off here, turning the electric on in Gainesville. I feel like I'm packing boxes left and right, and trickling things down to Gainesville ahead of time, but I still have so much stuff here. It's amazing how many things you can accumulate in an apartment.

I keep finding myself thinking about all the things I'll miss about my room mates too, so that is my main point of this post. Here are some of the main memories/things I'll miss about my current room mates:

1.) That's What She Said...jokes.
Every word uttered in this apartment is under scrutiny for a 'that's what she said...' joke. I love that about my room mates. It makes every day conversations absolutely hilarious and sometimes they make it so easy to get them. lol

2.) Watching Bravo, TLC, and MTV shows.
My room mates and I spend so much time out in the living room together. We all have pretty busy, taxing schedules, so I love when we sit out in the living room and just zone out to Cake Boss, Real House Wifes, and Teen Mom. I'll really miss times like that.

3.) Our Dramatic Telling of Our Days.
This may sound like a weird way to explain it, but that's exactly how it is in my mind. I feel like every day, and every time my room mates and I see each other, we sincerely ask about how our day is going so far. Mainly it's at the end of the night, when we're in the living room doing #2 on this list. It always ends up being this dramatic story-telling experience of what went down, or what craziness happened that day. I love it. I always try to hear my room mates out, and help them the best I can, if I can. I feel like we bond well over these story-telling situations, and it only makes me even more interested in them. I'll REALLY miss nights like these, especially because my room mates make me feel heard when I have something bothering me.

4.) Random Trips to Starbucks and Winn-Dixie
My room mates and I always seem to find a way to make late night trips to places. We sit there and watch these cooking shows, or we talk about our days and get stressed out, then we wind up on a cookie or coffee run. I love times like this. We all love to vent over some nice kind of food, or we just need a distraction. They're always such random, but enjoyable trips.

5.) Individual Characteristics
I'll miss small things about each room mate too. I'll miss picking on Mallory for spilling EVERY single food substance she's ever eating. I swear our couch has had every type of drink, soup, rice, pasta, etc. imaginable on it. I'll miss picking on Jessica for being a creeper online. I swear that girl can find anything and everything about a person on the internet.




All in all, I hope that we don't grow apart. We'll all be in different places, doing our own thing. I'll be in Tallahassee several times over the next semester, and I hope to see my room mates around Gainesville, but I just hope things don't change too much. I don't want to grow apart. Pet peeves of living together aside, I'm very close to my room mates, and they're important people in my life. I dedicate this post to them :D

Didn't You Know?

Kellie Pickler
"Didn't You Know How Much I Loved You"

I remember the way you made love to me
Like I was all you'd ever need
Did you change your mind
Well I didn't change mine
Now here I am trying to make sense of it all
We were best friends now we don't even talk
You broke my heart
Ripped my world apart

Didn't you know how much I loved you
Didn't you know how much I loved you, baby
I gave you everything, every part of me
Didn't you feel it when I touched you
Didn't I rock you when I loved you, baby
Baby, tell me
Didn't you know how much I loved you

I can't get you out of my head
I still feel you in this bed
Left me all alone
You couldn't be more gone
From falling apart to fighting mad
From wanting you back to not giving a damn
I've felt it all
I've been to the wall

Didn't you know how much I loved you
Didn't you know how much I loved you, baby
I gave you everything, every part of me
Didn't you feel it when I touched you
Didn't I rock you when I loved you, baby
Baby, tell me
Didn't you know how much I loved you

One day justice will come and find you
And I'll be right there in your memory to remind you

Didn't you know how much I loved you
Didn't you know how much I loved you, baby
I gave you everything, every part of me
Didn't you feel it when I touched you
Didn't I rock you when I loved you, baby
Baby, tell me

Didn't you know how much I loved you
Didn't you know how much I loved you, baby
I gave you everything, every part of me
Didn't you feel it when I touched you
Didn't I rock you when I loved you, baby
Baby, tell me
I gave you everything, every part of me

No Time

This has been one of the most confusing weekends I've had in a while. I have no idea where I'm going, or what I'm doing right now. I'm just trying to get by with as little damage as possible.

So much is going to be happening in the next few weeks. I'm trying to keep track of everything but so much is changing. I really hate times like this. I can't be excited about any of the good changes because I can't picture what my life will be like in the next few months. It's stressful. I'm a big planner.

I've been praying a lot, and trying to learn and make the changes I need to right now, but it's really hard. I want so badly for things to be a certain way, and I feel like I'm fighting against what's going to happen anyway.

I don't know. This is where I'm at though. I'm scared.

My Mentor

After work today, I met with one of my professors that has been like a mentor to me on graduate school and job searching. He's been very helpful over the years, and I consider him more of a friend than a professor. I invited him to my graduation and he gave me a gift today for my hard work. It was a matching Florida State Pen and Pencil set, and he said there's something else in the mail, so I'm thinking it's Florida State stationary. It was really thoughtful. He wrote a nice letter to go with it. I'll really miss him when I'm gone. He was a very interesting person, and I value our conversations together.

500 Days of Summer

I've never realized how much my life is like 500 Days of Summer. This movie makes me incredibly sad, but I appreciate it so much. It's such a real portrayal of life and love. In the past, I've related to both characters in different times of my life. First with Summer, but more frequently and recently with Tom. I felt like they were living my life and my relationship at its best and worst.




This is a scene from the movie, and I feel like it so accurately depicts how I feel:
Tom: Look, we don't have to put a label on it. That's fine. I get it. But, you know, I just... I need some consistency.
Summer: I know.
Tom: I need to know that you're not gonna wake up in the morning and feel differently.

Had Enough

Lifehouse
"Had Enough"

Loneliness pacing up and down these hallways
Second guessing every thought
Mystified, just spinning 'round in circles
Drowning in the silent screaming with nothing left to say

Every time I reach for you, there's no one there to hold on to
Nothing left for me to miss, I'm letting go, letting go of this
Lost my mind thinking it through, the light inside has left me too
Now I know what empty is, I've had enough, I've had enough of this.

I believe that love should be a reason
To give and get back in return (to give and get back in return)
I wanna breathe in a new beginning
With someone who will wrap their arms around what's left of me

Every time I reach for you, there's no one there to hold onto
Nothing left for me to miss, I'm letting go, letting go of this
Lost my mind thinking it through, the light inside has left me too
Now I know what empty is, I've had enough, I've had enough of this.

I'm tired of barely holding on
To something that's already gone.
I'm tired of being the one who's in this all alone

Every time I reach for you, there's no one there to hold on to
Nothing left for me to miss, I'm letting go of this
Lost my mind thinking it through, the light inside has left me to
Now I know what empty is, I've had enough, I've had enough of this.

Every time I reach for you, there's no one there to hold on to
Nothing left for me to miss, I'm letting go, letting go of this
Lost my mind thinking it through, the light inside has left me to
Now I know what empty is, I've had enough, I've had enough of this

Definitely Dreadful

My heart has been bothering me for the better part of today. It's making me feel really badly. I made it through the suicide Saturday class at the hotline though. I had some plans for tonight but they fell through. I'm disappointed.

I'm not looking forward to this week. It's just going to be the same old crap. Work, class, a test, and the hotline. I feel really restless, probably because I know the end of the week is just going to be crap. I'm not looking forward to confronting the problem I've been having. I really hope it's not as bad as I think it will be. I'm not very optimistic about it though. :/

I'm still really unhappy :(

I Can't Hear You Now

Red
"Never Be The Same"

I know you, who are you now?
Look into my eyes if you can't remember.
Do you remember, oh?

I can see, I can still find
You're the only voice my heart can recognize
But I can't hear you now, yeah.

I'll never be the same
I'm caught inside the memories, the promises
are yesterdays and I belong to you.
I just can't walk away
'cause after loving you
I can never be the same.

And how can I pretend I've never known you?
Like it was all a dream, no.
I know I'll never forget
the way I always felt with you beside me
and how you loved me then, yeah.

You led me here,
then I watched you disappear.
You left this emptiness inside
and I can't turn back time
No, stay!
Nothing compares to you.
Nothing compares to you.
I can't let you go,
Can't let you go.
I can't let go.

I'll never be the same,
not after loving you,
not after loving you, no.

I can never be the same.
I will never be the same.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
I just can't walk away.
No, I can't walk away from you.

Remind Me

Brad Paisley
"Remind Me"
(with Carrie Underwood)

[Brad] We didn't care if people stared
We'd make out in a crowd somewhere
Somebody'd tell us to get a room
It's hard to believe that was me and you
Now we keep saying that we're ok
But I don't want to settle for good not great
I miss the way that it felt back then I wanna feel that way again

Been so long that you'd forget the way I used to kiss your neck
[Carrie] Remind me, remind me
So on fire so in love. Way back when we couldn't get enough
[Carrie] Remind me, remind me

[Carrie] Remember the airport dropping me off
We were kissing goodbye and we couldn't stop
[Brad] I felt bad cause you missed your flight
[Carrie and Brad] But that meant we had one more night

[Carrie] Do you remember how it used to be
we'd turn out the lights and didn't just sleep
[Brad] Remind me Remind me
Baby remind me
[Carrie] Oh so on fire so in love
that look in your eyes that I miss so much
[Brad] Remind me, baby remind me

[Brad] I wanna feel that way
[Carrie] Yeah I wanna hold you close
[Brad and Carrie] Oh If you still love me
Don't just assume I know

[Carrie] Do you remember the way it felt?
[Brad] You mean back when we couldn't control ourselves
[Carrie] Remind me, remind me
[Brad] Yeah remind me
[Carrie] All those things that you used to do
That made me fall in love with you
Remind me. Oh Baby Remind Me

[Brad] Yeah you'd wake up in my old t-shirt
All those mornings I was late for work
Remind me

[Brad and Carrie] Oh baby remind me

[Carrie] Oh, baby remind me, remind me
[Brad] Yeah, you'd wake up in my old t-shirt
Baby, remind me

Why? Seriously....Just Why?

I'm so unhappy I don't even know what to do with myself. I don't have the energy to do the things i need to get done during the day, but if I lay around and just rest, it makes me even more sad just thinking about things. It's very debilitating being this way :/

I know everyone asks this question, but I don't understand why this is happening to me. Why do I deserve this feeling so frequently? Why are people so close to me keep letting me down epically? I CAN'T make sense of it. I'm trying so hard not to become bitter inside, but feeling like this, coupled with the past is just gnawing away at my view of humanity. I want so badly for someone to step up right now and be dependable for me. Please.

I feel extra crappy about the future now too. Graduation is not going to be the happy ceremony I imagined. I wanted so badly for it to be a certain way, with certain people there supporting me. Why can't I have at least that? My graduation, my way. Why?

I can't come to terms with how the situation is continuing to get worse. The person doesn't seem sorry at all. It's all about them, and how soon it's fixed for them, and how they're treated when I'm the hurt one when it's all said and done. Evasion of responsibility and selfishness is all I see.

I really just don't get it :(

Fake

I feel depressed. This situation I'm in is miserable. It's making me physically sick. I'm trying to just get through the week, but of course it's dragging. I'm praying frequently, but I still feel like I don't know where to go or what to do right now.



It amazes me the new levels of selfishness people can reach.

You Have Yourself To Blame

Carrie Underwood
"Undo It"

I should have known by the way you passed me by
There was something in your eyes and it wasn't right
I should have walked, but I never had the chance
Everything got out of hand and I let it slide

Now I only have myself to blame
For falling for your stupid games
I wish my life could be
The way it was before I saw your face

You stole my happy, you made me cry
Took the lonely and took me for a ride
And I wanna uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-undo it
You had my heart, now I want it back
I'm starting to see everything you lack
Boy you blew it, you put me through it
I wanna uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-undo it

Na, na, na-na, na
Na, na, na-na, na
Na, na, na-na, na, na

Now your photos don't have a picture frame
And I never say your name and I never will
And all your things, well I threw them in the trash
And I'm not even sad

Now you only have yourself to blame
For playing all those stupid games
You're always gonna be the same
And, oh no, you'll never change

You stole my happy, you made me cry
Took the lonely and took me for a ride
And I wanna uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-undo it
You had my heart, now I want it back
I'm starting to see everything you lack
Boy you blew it, you put me through it
I wanna uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-undo it

Na, na, na-na, na
Na, na, na-na, na
Na, na, na-na, na, na

You want my future, you can't have it
I'm still trying to erase you from my past
I need you gone so fast

You stole my happy, you made me cry
Took the lonely and took me for a ride
And I wanna uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-undo it
You had my heart, now I want it back
I'm starting to see everything you lack
Boy you blew it, you put me through it
I wanna uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-undo it

You stole my happy, you made me cry
Took the lonely and took me for a ride
Boy you blew it, you put me through it
I wanna uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-undo it




Sara Evans
"A Little Bit Stronger"

Woke up late today, and I still feel the sting of the pain.
But I brushed my teeth anyway, got dressed through the mess and put a smile on my face. I got a little bit stronger.

Riding in the car to work, and I'm trying to ignore the hurt.
So I turned on the radio, Stupid song made me think of you,
I listened to it for minute, but then I changed it.
I'm getting a little bit stronger, just a little bit stronger.

And I'm done hoping that we can work it out,
I'm done with how it feels, spinning my wheels
Letting you drag my heart around.
And ohhh
I'm done thinking, that you could ever change.
I know my heart will never be the same,
but I'm telling myself I'll be okay.
Even on my weakest days, I get a little bit stronger.

Doesn't happen over night, but you turn around and a months gone by,
And you realize you haven't cried.
I'm not giving you a hour or a second or another minute longer.
I'm busy getting stronger.

And I'm done hoping that we can work it out,
I'm done with how it feels, spinning my wheels
Letting you drag my heart around.
And ohhh
I'm done thinking, that you could ever change.
I know my heart will never be the same,
but I'm telling myself I'll be okay.
Even on my weakest days, I get a little bit stronger.
I get a little bit stronger.

Getting along without you baby,
I'm better off without you baby,
How does it feel with out me baby?
I'm getting stronger without you baby.

And I'm done hoping that we can work it out,
I'm done with how it feels, spinning my wheels
Letting you drag my heart around.
And ohhh
I'm done thinking, that you could ever change.
I know my heart will never be the same,
but I'm telling myself I'll be okay,
Even on my weakest days, I get a little bit stronger.
I get a little bit stronger.

I'm just a little bit stronger.
A little bit, a little bit, a little bit stronger.
I get a little bit stronger.

I Might Want You, But I Don't Need You

I feel like I'm generally a good person. I have my flaws, and I make mistakes just like anyone else. Some mistakes I wish I could fix more than others, but I think I try my best for those in my life as much as possible. I feel like I learn, and I try to do better.

That being said, I'm sick of being lied to. I'm sick of being walked all over, especially after being crystal clear about my expectations of those around me. I feel broken, but I refuse to stay this way.

I'm going places. I'm doing things with my life and for those in it. You could have been apart of that, but you threw that opportunity away.



I'll be better off without you. Just wait and see.

Picture Post

Fireworks were great. I love room mate time. Here are some random pictures of the night. It was pretty hot and gross outside, so Mallory and I didn't take any pictures together, but oh well... The glow-in-the-dark glasses I bought were the best purchase I've ever made. Ballin'!