I Have Nothing

Hello Blogger. I miss how much I used to enjoy blogging on here. I'm not sure what happened. I just get sad when I get on here now... Today wasn't so good. I'm learning a lot about myself lately. Things I don't really enjoy learning either. Honestly though, better now than at graduate school I guess. I can't count how many blogs I have on here about how I'm not independent. That's the gist of this post as well. I'm still struggling with this and it only makes life more complicated when I try hard not to be independent when I have to. I hate how rocky some relationships can be. I don't get why it has to be so difficult. Human beings are so flawed. This should be easy. Coexisting shouldn't be as difficult as it is, yet it's almost a daily struggle sometimes. It's especially frustrating when it happens between people I'm close with. If I fight with someone important to me, then I cling to someone who isn't important to me, and that blows up in my face. I guess I'm complaining about others but not addressing my own character building that has to be done. Ugh. It's so hard. All I want is to have consistency in my life. I would give away so much just to have it. Funny how life works some times. I'm done complaining I guess. Whitney Houston "I Have Nothing" Share my life, take me for what I am Cause I'll never change all my colours for you Take my love, I'll never ask for too much Just all that you are and everything that you do I don't really need to look very much further I don't want to have to go where you don't follow I won't hold it back again, this passion inside Can't run from myself There's nowhere to hide (Your love I'll remember forever) Don't make me close one more door I don't wanna hurt anymore Stay in my arms if you dare Or must I imagine you there Don't walk away from me... I have nothing, nothing, nothing If I don't have you, you, you, you. You see through, right to the heart of me You break down my walls with the strength of your love I never knew love like I've known it with you Will a memory survive, one I can hold on to I don't really need to look very much further I don't want to have to go where you don't follow I won't hold it back again, this passion inside Can't run from myself There's nowhere to hide (Your love I'll remember forever) Don't make me close one more door I don't wanna hurt anymore Stay in my arms if you dare Or must I imagine you there Don't walk away from me... I have nothing, nothing, nothing If I don't have you, you, you, you. Don't make me close one more door I don't wanna hurt anymore Stay in my arms if you dare Or must I imagine you there Don't walk away from me Don't walk away from me Don't you dare walk away from me I have nothing, nothing, nothing If I don't have you, you, you, you.

Much Needed Update

Hello Blogger, long time no see.

I kind of don't even know where to start anymore...

Um, well, for starters I got accepted to UCF's Clinical Psychology MA program...FINALLY. This year off has really taken it's toll on me. I'm so glad I'm finally going back to school and I'm that much closer to being able to have my career. I was extremely surprised that I got accepted. I had interviewed at another school, and that hadn't gone too well, but I feel like this time around I really showed my heart at UCF instead of trying to have all of the right answers to their questions. Praise God for getting me there.

That also means apartment hunting, packing, and moving again. Not looking forward to that part. I have no patience for searching online for apartments, so I'm hoping to get down to Daytona soon and make a day of looking at places. I'm excited to be in the program, but I'm not sure how I feel about moving. I really hope I don't get too home sick being two hours away again. I know that seems a short distance, but I'm really attached to my family and friends. I hope I adjust well.

Things have been kind of crappy lately. I've been avoiding blogger because no one ever posted anymore, partially to Liz not having high speed internet, but also because I haven't been feeling happy or physically well for a while. Robbie and I had so many problems recently and we broke up. That was really hard to accept and deal with. I still find it hard to believe given our past, but I know in my heart I tried so hard to make it work, and in the end I wasn't getting out of the relationship what I needed. It's been an adjustment, and a process, but I'm trying to figure out things now.

Dealing with this, and work, and all of my other stuff has me feeling really run down. I've never been so tired in my life as I have been feeling for the past two months. I go to bed super early but it never seems to make a difference. I know I need to trying to change my lifestyle some, but I really think it's something else.

I have more on my mind, but I think I'll stop here for now. More to come soon :)

My Future

I've been online for a while now, browsing around Pinterest and doing other random things, but i just can't get my mind to settle down.

I got an email this week telling me I have a graduate school interview at UWF this Friday. I'm freaking out about it. I feel so off my game being out of school and doing nothing to make me a stronger applicant. I can't seem to figure out how to prepare more this time around either. I've gone over the notes I made last year when I was applying but it doesn't feel like enough.

Honestly, I feel like a big loser. All I do is work at winn-dixie. I feel like I'm wasting my time.

Ugh...anyway. When I leave work tomorrow, my mom and I are heading up to Pensacola. It's a five hour drive. That in itself is going to be stressful. I really hope it's not hard to find my way around UWF's campus.


Please God let this go well. Let me get other interviews because my heart is not at UWF

Where Do You Go From Here?

Hello Blog.

I really don't know what to say anymore. I feel like I'm in a strange funk lately. I'm not particularly sad, or particularly happy. I feel more dis-satisfied than anything.

I feel as though the root of the problem is money. I know I'm always complaining that I'm working so much, but I AM working a lot, and I'm not getting caught up on bills at all. Each time I drop below a certain amount, something happens that I have to put what I just paid and a little more back on my credit card. My student loans are creeping up on me too. It's stressful. I just really wish I could knock one bill completely out.

Speaking of student loans, graduate school application deadlines are coming. I already got an email from one school notifying everyone of the interview date to make arrangements in case they receive an interview. I'm super scared for interviews this time around. I feel like a 50 year old who goes back to college. Out of my element for a while now, not on my game.

Bleh, I'm just out of it lately I guess. I can't see where to make my situation better.

Upgrade

My puppy Apollo got neutered this Friday. It was an experience for the both of us. I really hated taking him there. He was a mess when we got into the office. He kept shaking, and growling, and just generally freaking out. The procedure was so long. I dropped him off at 7:30am and I couldn't come get him until 5pm. It was ridiculous waiting all day.

Everything went alright in the end, but he's a pitiful mess now. He's been sleeping the past two days. It's not restful sleep though. He keeps waking up and repositioning or freaking out. He makes all of these cute pitiful noises too. It's so sad. He has to wear a cone around his head for a week. Needless to say, he isn't a fan of it. I can't wait for him to start feeling better. Here are some pictures :)








I also got a new phone this week. Apollo chewed the cord for my charger for my other one. When I went into Verizon of course they were trying to get me to upgrade my phone. Turns out it was a good time to though. I needed to branch off onto my own plan. I ended up leaving with the iPhone 4s. It's pretty cool so far. I never pictured myself as iPhone owner. But whatever, Apple is taking over the world I guess.

Alive Again

I feel like Blogger is coming alive again. I like it :)

I got a new phone yesterday. It's the iPhone 4s. I'm still getting used to it. It wasn't a planned decision. It kind of just happened. I needed to branch off onto my own plan and not my mom's. Her is ending in March and she didn't want to renew with Verizon. I feel weird being an iPhone owner now. For some reason I was trying to avoid becoming a part of that group.

I'm hoping it's not taking on too much to start paying my own phone bill. Money has been tight for so long now. I guess we'll see.

Work is really busy lately. I feel like I have so much more responsibility now. Partly because of my promotion, but also because the management trust me more than the last ISC I think. I'm working 40 hours a week and I wish I could work more still.

Apollo gets neutered tomorrow. I'm really not looking forward to it. I hope he comes out alright and I hope he's not mad at me.

I work today 11-8 so I'm off to make some lunch!

Winding Road

I feel like I haven't blogged in forever. It just feels so empty on here now-a-days....


Anyway, today was a good day. I went to visit my dad. He loves seeing Apollo, so he had a great time. I did my usual when I go back home. Ate lunch, ran errands, hung out. It was nice though.

I feel like making a comment that I hope this is a glimpse of what is in store for 2012, but honestly, 2012 looks like a big black hole in my mind (no end-of-the-world pun intended). I just can't see where my future is going at all lately. I keep having this nagging feeling that I'm going to be at Winn-dixie forever. I hate that. I guess I'm nervous for graduate school decisions and where I'll live the next year. It's all just overwhelming when I start thinking about it.

I know I'm being vague, but I just have so many questions in my mind lately...