Where's rock bottom?

Things are getting steadily worse for me. I think that's saying enough to understand if I'm depressed for the next year.

My niece was born. Only bit of happiness.

Growth

It's been a long time since I've written. I don't even remember what my last blog was about and I was too lazy to reread it before I started writing this. I haven't been wanting to blog because I haven't had anything that wasn't depressing to say. I feel like I complain about Tallahassee a lot, but I realize that that wasn't stress. I just hate it here. I miss home, family, friends, and Thomas. I think this summer I reevaluated what it worth complaining about.

I feel like this summer has been nothing but high stress. Can you see why I didn't want to post? Who wants to read that crap? What person wants to rehash it all? I've had a lot thrown in my face the past two months or so. I completely stopped working out, and I feel as though my body is in safe mode. Eating junk again, always tired. Things that I liked going to do take an immense effort to get me to go to now.

I want to say things are getting better. They are. However, I'm an extremely impatient person, so I imagine my doubt in the previous sentences is because it's not getting where I want it to be as fast as I had hoped. I am really struggling with the my plan versus God's plan thing lately.

Anyway, this summer has shown me how much people change too. I've lost friends and discovered insane things about other friends. It blows my mind thinking about freshmen year of high school and how things are now. A lot of people in my life are really struggling right now too.

I guess what this blog is really about is how much I've been observing lately. I've been making changes. I've been putting forth CRAZY effort on habits I have that I KNOW are bad and finally working towards fixing that. Also just observing my friends and family. Their trials and achievements. Also just seeing where my life is heading, well sort of, like I said my plan doesn't seem to matter anymore. I don't know. I feel like I'm rambling but it's been a lot to take in. I was just wondering if anyone else is experiencing this sort of thing right now. Maybe this is just one of those life changing times? Like transitions from high school to college and not college to life?

Class of 2011?

I'm going to graduate August 6, 2011. That blows my mind. One year from now I will be done with college. At least I think it's August 6Th. That's the summer graduation date and I'm almost certain there's no way I can graduate in the spring of next year, so I'm pretty positive it's August.

Being consciously aware of finishing college is making me even more of an impatient person. Everything I want is a year away. One year. That's it. I feel like there's no way this next year COULDN'T be a huge year for me.

Things I Want To Happen From Now Until August 6, 2011 In No Particular Order:
1.) Obtain a sufficient score on the GRE, even if I have to take it twice.
2.) Finish my 200 hour commitment at the crisis hot line.
3.) Apply and get accepted into a Masters program, preferably within 2-3 hours of Chiefland, Fl.
4.) Continue to get nothing less than a B and improve my GPA.
5.) Graduate by August 6, 2011, if not sooner.
6.) Get engaged to Thomas, plan a wedding, find a place to live, marry Thomas, and move to said place.
7.) Be around my nephew and soon to be niece as much as humanly possible. For that matter, being around my family period.
8.) Get out of Tallahassee with the intention of NEVER coming back.


If I can do all of those things in one year, then I will feel truly accomplished. I feel like I'm going to be a real adult soon. It might sound conceited to say this, but I am extremely proud of myself for graduating early. In most cases, I shrug it off when people congratulate me on my hard work. I say it's no big deal, and that psychology is a small major, but it IS a big deal. The other psych majors I know aren't ahead of their class. I don't know anyone who takes 17 credit hours, works, AND volunteers. If that makes me too proud, than I'm sorry you feel that way.

I think what makes me the happiest is that I can leave Tallahassee in one short year. Thomas should be graduating this upcoming December. :D Big things are happening. Just wanted to share and express my gratitude to God for getting me this far.

God give me the strength to...

1.) Stop being so crazy jealous
2.) Delete my Facebook


That would greatly decrease my stress. Thanks.

Slacker

I've totally been slacking on my work out guys. I can't pinpoint one reason. Amanda visited for the week, so I've been less motivated. Been just wanting to relax, and hang out, but I also think I've had a lot on my mind the past couple of days, on top of being extremely exhausted.

I think I caught up on rest, but I skipped my workout today because I was in an awful mood. Going to make this post just a general update.

Summer is going so slow. I'm for sure going to graduate at least a year early. Met with my advisor and I'm so close I can almost touch it which makes me super pumped. I want to get the heck out of Tallahassee and be closer to the people I care about. I'm considering apply to UF even for a masters program if they have the field of study I want. I'm that desperate to get closer to home.

I've been talking to a lot of people about my possible future career choice too and it just makes me want to get closer to Trenton and start wearing down Lancaster to hire me lol My family is changing a lot too lately. I feel like being here is such an inconvience when things happen and I can't be there to help.

Pray hard for me if you guys can. I'm desperate to leave here. I know it's out of my hands what really happens, but I feel like God gave me the motivation this far for a reason, so why not graduate early?

Day ?

I don't know what day is today...I wanna say it's day 13 second week but my sense of time is horrible lately. Anyway, today was Kenpo. Kenpo is awesome. As always. I'd love to take a kickbox class someday now.

Anyway, I'm feeling completely drained lately. I'm not very sure why. Personally, I feel like I'm not eating enough of one particular food group. Which food group? I don't know. People say carbo load for energy, but lots of carbs would up my fat intake. People have suggested a daily nap. I'm not sure how I feel about that. I know sleep is important, but I really feel like it's a consumption issue.

I try to eat something before every workout, and I definitely eat right after. I've been getting plenty of protein, vegetables, and fruit. Any suggestions?

I think I'm not going to do yoga. I know this is altering the program, but I rather do an extra day of cardio. My hate for yoga is extreme.

Arms and Shoulders

Cardio yesterday was good. I'm not feeling very sore at all now. Not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing. Thomas tells me I need to up my weights instead of doing so many reps, than I'd feel the burn. I'm considering it. However there are no weights involved in cardio, which leads me to today.

Shoulders and arms was pretty good. I tried to use my ten pound weights the whole time, but gah! I really have no upper body strength. They tack on this awful ab workout on today's workout too. I tried my hardest. That's all I can say.

It's becoming harder to continue to make healthy eating choices. A week of mainly vegetables and I'm really craving doughnuts and pasta. Any suggestions on how to conquer that habit?

Enjoying my weekend so far. Hope everyone else is too.