So last night was pretty awesome. I went with my room mates while they got piercings lol. The other Jessica got her nose pierced and Mallory got her belly button pierced. I had been peer pressuring Mallory like crazy to do it. I was very confident she'd like it and that piercing involves minimal pain. I think she's really happy she did it, it looks cute. I give Jessica props for going through it. A needle through the nose sounds awful to me and she said the pain was a lot more than she anticipated. It was exciting and it made me want to get anything pierced or tattooed right then! Oh Amanda, where were you during this urge!? Lol There's nothing I want pierced anymore though and I'm not ready for another tattoo... yet.
I came home with an energy drink ready to do work. I have SO much to get done before this weekend. It seems I have a million tests and homework assignments to prepare for. I really just want it all out of the way so I can have a care free weekend. That's part of the reason I've fallen off the blogging universe. I did a ton of work last night and now I have a ton of reading before Thursday.
I'm so excited for this weekend. I wish a few hundred dollars would just fall in my hands right now. I want to buy a bunch of stuff to make sure that my friends coming up here will have a good time. I don't want everyone sitting around being bored, but people keep reassuring me that you don't need much to do if you're drinking. I don't know. I'm still worried about being a bad host. I think it'll be fun to try new things in general. I want to look up jello shots recipes for a fun thing to make during the day and I bought a blender to make fun icy drinks! :D lol I'm gonna have a blast just making stuff. I feel like I might go over board with what I buy too. I don't know how far a bottle of alcohol goes and I want to try everything lol Drink really should be progressive experience. People who literally wait until they're 21 like me are bound to go overboard.
I'm kind of nervous about all of the myths people keep telling me about. Don't mix dark with light liquor. Don't mix beer with liquor. Don't eat this, don't eat that. Drink this before that. I feel like no matter how careful, what order, or how anything is made, I'm doomed to get sick. What REALLY matters when it comes to the type of alcohol you're drinking? I honestly have no clue :/ I'm a little sad that I won't have birthday cake on my birthday either. :( That's kind of a... mom goes out, buys a cake, hides it, then brings it out for happy birthday and I don't think my friends are going to think to do that or be that coordinated. Oh well :/
I'm probably going to have a million more posts about my birthday. Bare with me, you only turn 21 once :D
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Saturday, April 9, 2011
Gimme Gimme Gimme
So, one of my friends has this awesome blog that really helps me when I think about buying any kind of beauty products. I'm one of those girls who has this set, simple routine for make-up and her reviews really make me want to break out of that routine.
Anyway, this said blog is awesome, and is hosting a give away. Her name is Miranda and here is a link to her post. http://miranda-lifeisanart.blogspot.com/2011/04/25-follower-giveaway-d.html
The give away has a bunch of cute jewelry, make up, gift card, and a cute make up bag. Check it out and follow her!!!
Anyway, this said blog is awesome, and is hosting a give away. Her name is Miranda and here is a link to her post. http://miranda-lifeisanart.blogspot.com/2011/04/25-follower-giveaway-d.html
The give away has a bunch of cute jewelry, make up, gift card, and a cute make up bag. Check it out and follow her!!!
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Um...Yeah, No.
...And that's why we don't base our life plans on others and their choices.
I.Will.Not.Settle.
I.Will.Not.Settle.
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
Pft....You're Not Important At All!
In this day and age, how come we don't have a system set up where all I have to do is type in exactly what I want in a man, and then I'm given my best matche's contact information? Why? Don't you think that would make millions? I know there are dating websites, but I mean straight up type it in, no need to put yourself out there and talk with people online, just straight up you have everything I want, we should hang out.
I'm really frustrated with feeling like I want things so much more than others around me. With guys, with peers in school, with working relationships. All of it. I want to see people, hang out, talk, walk through life with them, but it's like...by no means reciprocated. I'm tired of being disappointed with the quality of people around me. Where the hell did all the good natured, hard working, fun people go?
Anyway....today, and this week have been good despite my rant just then. I've been in a good mood and I don't have a ton of school work or tests at the moment. I'm going home this weekend and I hope it'll be a good time. I'm getting more excited for my 21st. Been stocking up on snacks and stuff. I'm worried that everyone is going to get bored hanging out at my apartment though. Any ideas to entertain people?
I'm really frustrated with feeling like I want things so much more than others around me. With guys, with peers in school, with working relationships. All of it. I want to see people, hang out, talk, walk through life with them, but it's like...by no means reciprocated. I'm tired of being disappointed with the quality of people around me. Where the hell did all the good natured, hard working, fun people go?
Anyway....today, and this week have been good despite my rant just then. I've been in a good mood and I don't have a ton of school work or tests at the moment. I'm going home this weekend and I hope it'll be a good time. I'm getting more excited for my 21st. Been stocking up on snacks and stuff. I'm worried that everyone is going to get bored hanging out at my apartment though. Any ideas to entertain people?
Monday, April 4, 2011
Looking Back
"Looking back, I have this to regret, that too often when I loved, I did not say so." -David Grayson
I wanted to write a blog looking back on this past year of my life. Like any other year, so much has happened. So many mind blowing things! But of course looking back on this particular one is going to make it seem even more jam packed with craziness. So here it goes...
The first thing that comes to mind from age 20 to age 21 is my break up with Thomas. My birthday is in the middle of April and I remember feeling like something was up with Thomas right at the beginning of May last year. It was upsetting in general, but it was extra upsetting when I started to notice because I thought in April Thomas and I got extra close. In May, Thomas went to Tampa for a wedding, and he hardly talked to me while he was gone. We fought really badly, and frequently that weekend. He was drinking a lot and I kept feeling like he wasn't telling me something. In June, I found out he was the only one to take pictures with his corresponding brides maid in intimate poses. He didn't even tell me about it. He lied straight to my face and his room mates brought it up. Everyone else in the bridal party did silly things. Coincidence?
A few weeks later, his room mates tagged me in photos of Thomas putting the garder on the girl's leg. It was a REALLY low blow and I don't feel like he adequately stood up for me. During this time, we were still fighting a lot and it seemed like Thomas went from being serious about wanting to marry me, to not being sure about anything. It was a complete 180. In my conditoning and learning class, we learned about this process call extinction bursts. An extinction burst is an animal doing a specific behavior that used to be rewarding a bunch of times. It's like the animal is hoping and praying that the more it does it, and the harder it does the behavior, that the reward will come back. Eventually it just quits. I bring this up because looking back, I feel like Thomas went from saving money, looking at rings, talking about our wedding, hinting about engagements, to avoiding all conversation, and being unsure.
Then in July, I was at Thomas' apartment while he was at work. I saw on his aim logs all these intimate conversations with his best friend's girlfriend. I'm not gonna rehash everything that was said. Trust that it was definitely cheating, and hinted at a lot more than late night lustful conversations. I read all this the day before my niece was born. It was awful. My niece has the same name at the girl he cheated with too. I felt so foolish too. I was devastated and infuriated, but I still wanted to fix things. I'm not happy with that choice, but the only logical explanation is that I really loved Thomas and I was willing to make it work. To make an already long story a little shorter, he led me on again. I thought we were fixing things and we weren't.
With that atmosphere set, I started the Fall semester of my senior year. At the time I was still overwhelmed with sadness. I wasn't eating. I wasn't sleeping. I wasn't doing anything. I was crying all the time. I had to apply to graduate school though. I had to take the GRE. I had to pass my classes... I also started talking to Robbie again around this time. That was a big leap for me. It was a risk. I didn't even know if he'd want to try to be friends again or not, but I tried and we jumped back in to our friendship like it hadn't missed a beat. I love that about us. It makes me feel stronger to see how concrete our friendship is. That might sound like an oxymoron if you know my past with Robbie, but when I say concrete, I mean how we need each other. I don't know how to explain it. But we'll always be friends.
I made it through the application process. I had a lot of good times with Amanda visiting Tallahasee and Robbie teaching me to shoot in the Fall and winter break was absolutely amazing. I felt like I did so much healing. It was crazy. I couldn't have done it without my family, my mom in particular and my friends. Everyone was really understanding and supportive. I came back for Spring feeling relieved. All of the hard stuff was through and I basically just had to get through classes until graduation. I got a grad school interview and survived. I'm still waiting to hear about the alternate list, but I'm okay with waiting right now.
I'm really happy with where I am. I'm happy that what happened with Thomas happened. I'm happy more time didn't pass being stuck in something that was dead. I'm happy with how close I am with my friends and how I'm friends with Robbie again. I'm elated to be graduating soon and to know inside what I accomplished. I'm excited to see what the next year brings with either getting my masters degree or taking the year off. This past year has taught me a new understanding of trust. I think it was gut wrenching experience I really needed. It taught me to appreciate what I have and to learn even more from my past mistakes. I also learned how to stay motivated. I took on SO much this past year. I don't want to say I was independent, because I still feel so strongly attached to my supports, but I definitely did a lot more for me this year. I hope 21 is as rewarding as the past few months have been :D
I wanted to write a blog looking back on this past year of my life. Like any other year, so much has happened. So many mind blowing things! But of course looking back on this particular one is going to make it seem even more jam packed with craziness. So here it goes...
The first thing that comes to mind from age 20 to age 21 is my break up with Thomas. My birthday is in the middle of April and I remember feeling like something was up with Thomas right at the beginning of May last year. It was upsetting in general, but it was extra upsetting when I started to notice because I thought in April Thomas and I got extra close. In May, Thomas went to Tampa for a wedding, and he hardly talked to me while he was gone. We fought really badly, and frequently that weekend. He was drinking a lot and I kept feeling like he wasn't telling me something. In June, I found out he was the only one to take pictures with his corresponding brides maid in intimate poses. He didn't even tell me about it. He lied straight to my face and his room mates brought it up. Everyone else in the bridal party did silly things. Coincidence?
A few weeks later, his room mates tagged me in photos of Thomas putting the garder on the girl's leg. It was a REALLY low blow and I don't feel like he adequately stood up for me. During this time, we were still fighting a lot and it seemed like Thomas went from being serious about wanting to marry me, to not being sure about anything. It was a complete 180. In my conditoning and learning class, we learned about this process call extinction bursts. An extinction burst is an animal doing a specific behavior that used to be rewarding a bunch of times. It's like the animal is hoping and praying that the more it does it, and the harder it does the behavior, that the reward will come back. Eventually it just quits. I bring this up because looking back, I feel like Thomas went from saving money, looking at rings, talking about our wedding, hinting about engagements, to avoiding all conversation, and being unsure.
Then in July, I was at Thomas' apartment while he was at work. I saw on his aim logs all these intimate conversations with his best friend's girlfriend. I'm not gonna rehash everything that was said. Trust that it was definitely cheating, and hinted at a lot more than late night lustful conversations. I read all this the day before my niece was born. It was awful. My niece has the same name at the girl he cheated with too. I felt so foolish too. I was devastated and infuriated, but I still wanted to fix things. I'm not happy with that choice, but the only logical explanation is that I really loved Thomas and I was willing to make it work. To make an already long story a little shorter, he led me on again. I thought we were fixing things and we weren't.
With that atmosphere set, I started the Fall semester of my senior year. At the time I was still overwhelmed with sadness. I wasn't eating. I wasn't sleeping. I wasn't doing anything. I was crying all the time. I had to apply to graduate school though. I had to take the GRE. I had to pass my classes... I also started talking to Robbie again around this time. That was a big leap for me. It was a risk. I didn't even know if he'd want to try to be friends again or not, but I tried and we jumped back in to our friendship like it hadn't missed a beat. I love that about us. It makes me feel stronger to see how concrete our friendship is. That might sound like an oxymoron if you know my past with Robbie, but when I say concrete, I mean how we need each other. I don't know how to explain it. But we'll always be friends.
I made it through the application process. I had a lot of good times with Amanda visiting Tallahasee and Robbie teaching me to shoot in the Fall and winter break was absolutely amazing. I felt like I did so much healing. It was crazy. I couldn't have done it without my family, my mom in particular and my friends. Everyone was really understanding and supportive. I came back for Spring feeling relieved. All of the hard stuff was through and I basically just had to get through classes until graduation. I got a grad school interview and survived. I'm still waiting to hear about the alternate list, but I'm okay with waiting right now.
I'm really happy with where I am. I'm happy that what happened with Thomas happened. I'm happy more time didn't pass being stuck in something that was dead. I'm happy with how close I am with my friends and how I'm friends with Robbie again. I'm elated to be graduating soon and to know inside what I accomplished. I'm excited to see what the next year brings with either getting my masters degree or taking the year off. This past year has taught me a new understanding of trust. I think it was gut wrenching experience I really needed. It taught me to appreciate what I have and to learn even more from my past mistakes. I also learned how to stay motivated. I took on SO much this past year. I don't want to say I was independent, because I still feel so strongly attached to my supports, but I definitely did a lot more for me this year. I hope 21 is as rewarding as the past few months have been :D
A++
ROBBIE PASSED THE STATE EXAM!!!!!
I'm beyond excited and proud. I couldn't think of someone who deserves it more :D
I'm beyond excited and proud. I couldn't think of someone who deserves it more :D
Sunday, April 3, 2011
No More
I've written three different full posts about how I'm feeling and thinking right now...and deleted them all. I don't understand why it's so hard for me to express this. I think it's because I know this isn't private, and I'm constantly holding back. Kind of sucks, but at the same time, I'm happy people can read this. Anyway, I'm going to take the shorter route and hopefully the same goal is accomplished.
Note to self: When you start to doubt...
1.) where you're going
2.) what you're doing
3.) who you're with
4.) who's with you
5.) how you're feeling
6.) who cares
...remember this week. Remember how you felt. Remember how you're feeling. Remember everything that happened, everything. The smiles, the fights, the crying, the jokes, the conversation, the trips, and most importantly, the absolute unconditional love.
Remember that, and stop doubting.
Note to self: When you start to doubt...
1.) where you're going
2.) what you're doing
3.) who you're with
4.) who's with you
5.) how you're feeling
6.) who cares
...remember this week. Remember how you felt. Remember how you're feeling. Remember everything that happened, everything. The smiles, the fights, the crying, the jokes, the conversation, the trips, and most importantly, the absolute unconditional love.
Remember that, and stop doubting.
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