You're Only Twenty-One For 365 Days!

I'm sitting in my apartment with Amanda singing and dancing to Prince right now. I'm so grateful for days like this. I drove home after my speech final exam Friday to get her, and we drove back to Tallahassee for her birthday Saturday. 21! It was pretty fun, we didn't go crazy, but it was still great. Mike's Hard Cranberry Lemonade is my new favorite girly drink lol.

We started watching season one of supernatural. It's okay so far. Amanda is obsessed with it, and I have a few other friends who love it, so I decided to give it a try. We've been pigging out and watching episodes all day today. I loveeeee relaxing, since it's not something I often get to do. Amanda will probably stay until I go home next weekend.

I have work all week in the morning, and the crisis hotline, but I get the week off before summer C classes start. I'm not feeling so great to be honest. The past week I was having really bad nightmares every time I slept, even naps, and I've been arguing with a friend a lot, so it's gotten me in a bad mood. I really hate weeks like this though. It makes me think of crappy things in the past, and makes me want to change who I am, become more independent. That's so hard for me though. I start getting really down on myself. I'm not sure what to do about this funk. Right now I'm hoping it'll just go away on its own, but I doubt that. When do you ever get the easy way out?

Anyway.....73 days until my trip to New Jersey and 48 days until Graduation. Summer is flying by.

Safari Stalker

I've had 32 page views in the past 24 hours. 23% of the views are from an iPhone/Safari user. I would really like to know who is reading my blog on an iPhone/Mac?

That is all :D

Box of Lies

I'm pissed off right now. I can't believe it's about to be 2am and I'm still awake. I really see where I stand. My general well being is not a consideration when all that matters is winning an argument. It doesn't matter if you're wrong, if I'm awake, or crying. It's a bunch of bull crap and I'm sick of hearing myself say I'm sick of it and doing nothing about it.

It's all a load of crap. Another piece of time to add to my box of lies...


So because I'm pissed off, and I'm going to upload some pictures of all the bull crap I've been told over the years. I have a box of relationship mementos. My box of lies it seems because none of the bull crap was true. I wish I didn't care about the consequences. I'd upload this crap to facebook and tag all the low lives.


These first three are from a letter Thomas wrote me and left on a vase of roses after begging my mom to leave it at the house even though I was seeing someone else. That relationship was obviously a big joke.






The next few are some letters/cards from Adam


^^^Tears on a letter Adam wrote me....PFT! Right. Guess none of that really mattered.




^^^My husband...just goes to show you how naive you really are in high school.


This is an email from Robbie when we weren't talking. He's writing about how good of a person I was, and how he never thought we'd stop talking, how important we were to him.....Right.

Nap Time Aftermath

I just woke up from a nap and I feel so groggy. That basically describes my past few days too. Ever since Franco's BBQ for his 21st, I haven't been able to get to sleep at my normal time, but I keep having to get up early, so it's taking it's toll on me. I've been really busy though, and I don't think I've been as cranky as I normally am when I'm this tired, so it's okay.

I finished speech class! Thank you God! My last speech was Monday and it went alright. I'm in the clear. I spent all of this past Friday working on it. Our final exam is this coming Friday, but I'm not worried about that. My next class starts June 27th. It's a criminology class. Who knows how that'll be lol

Amanda turns 21 this Saturday. I'm not sure if she's coming up here for sure, but that's the plan. I really want her to have a good birthday.

Robbie came here this past weekend on a whim. I was pretty excited. He hasn't done anything that spontaneous in a while. It reminded me of his old self :) We didn't do a whole lot, but it was definitely nice to de-stress after sitting at my desk so long writing my speech the night before.

I've been working a lot, but it's been hard to save up. Tonight will be the first night that we have permanent small groups at the hotline. I'm not sure what to think. It's a really rambunctious group this summer. I need to hop in the shower and get going. That's all for now :)

It Makes No Sense

So, it's like no one is using blogger anymore, yet my page views keep going up. It makes me wonder if I have a bunch of random viewers from google or something. Except, it says my traffic sources are from my facebook page. I know I have my blog listed, so it must be friends of mine some how. I wish everyone I follow on here would start writing again. I really enjoyed everyone's blog.

Speaking of facebook. I hope it pisses everyone off reading my statuses as much as it pisses me off to read other people's. Good lord, I've never been so quick to get angry as I can reading crap on facebook. I obviously not talking about any of my friends I speak to regularly, it's more like people who are on my friends list, but I really don't talk to much. I regularly go through my friends list and delete people, so this isn't one of those cases where it's some random person I can delete. I think I'm complaining right now just to complain.

I'm stuck in Tallahassee writing my last speech. I CANNOT WAIT for this dang class to be over. Our last speech is Monday, and our final exam is Friday. It stresses me out being forced to sit on my laptop and write/practice this all weekend. It takes so much energy to get myself to continuously write. I'm trying hard to focus. I feel like I have a vice grip on my mind, and this is the only thing I can focus on, but it's still not coming out.

I keep trying to focus on fun stuff in the future to keep me happy. Mallory and I are going to the FSU Super Regional Baseball game Sunday. I'm pretty excited. I'm getting sad that I'm about to graduate. I hate Tallahassee, but I'm going to miss FSU a lot. Amanda turns 21 next Saturday too. I have my final the Friday before, but I'm supposed to go get her and celebrate in Tallahassee. That should be a lot of fun. I miss her and I want her to have a good birthday.

This summer still seems really rough on me. It's not near as much of an emotional roller coaster as it was the first two weeks of summer, but there's still too many ups and downs for my liking. I'm so incredibly busy too. I feel like I'm letting some relationships slip from me because I'm not able to talk as much. If you're reading this Liz and Cassie, I really do miss you guys. I miss texting you more often Liz, and Cassie, I'm not lying when I say I'll try and call. Something always comes up or I'm dead tired. Don't cut me out of your life though, please?

Marshmallow Wars

I went home this past weekend and man did I need it. The past week was pretty rough. But I think the weekend kind of made up for it. Robbie and I hung out with Franco Saturday to celebrate his 21st birthday. We got this awesome lunch at Harry's in Ocala and we had a bon fire later that night. It was pretty awesome. We toasted marshmallows, but then ended up throwing them at each other the whole night lol

It's going to be anther really busy week, but I'm trying to stay positive. There have been a lot of things I'm really happy about. That's all that matters, right?

Too Good To Be True

I had a REALLY bad day yesterday, which made today crappy as well. I knew something would happen to try to take away the happiness I've been clinging to. I don't feel like it's all gone, but yesterday really took a toll on me. I had to work from 7am-2pm, when I got off work I had about an hour before I had to be back on campus for a meeting with one of my professors. After that meeting I had about an hour and a half before I would have to go back to campus a second time for the first night of 2-1-1 training. So that's roughly two hours of free time minus traveling. During that entire two hours I was dealing with some family drama.

I'm always there for my family, I try really hard to listen and I never ignore their calls, but yesterday was getting under my skin. Monday through Thursday I have NO time to myself, so it got under my skin that during my two hours I got nothing done, and I didn't get to relax. Then after 2-1-1 training, I came home and dealt with THE SAME drama AND my laptop got some crazy virus. It took me about an hour and a half, and three people's advice to get my laptop working again. I stayed up WAY later than I wanted to, especially after such a long, stressful day, and I didn't get to study at all for the test I would have the next morning (today). That's not all though.

After having my free time ripped from me, and dealing with my laptop, all I wanted was for someone to comfort me. I was fighting back tears through the laptop ordeal because I was beyond exhausted and I didn't want to deal with this after a crappy day. I don't get someone to listen to me though. I get an uncalled for attitude and insensitivity ending with me crying my eyes out to my mom for the next hour about how I can't take the stress of the day that I just had.

I woke up this morning feeling awful. My eyes and head hurt from crying so much, I was exhausted because I stayed up way too late dealing with everything, and I had to get up early to study for my test and drop a form off at my bank to report a fraudulent charge on my account. Waking up like that just made the day blah. My laptop seems okay so far now, but I'm really disappointed with the person who gave me such an attitude last night, and my responsibilities didn't disappear. I still had my test, another meeting with a professor, and work tonight. I hope I wake up happy again tomorrow, but I don't see it happening.

I really hope this weekend returns me to the state of bliss I was in earlier this week.