All I wanna do is complain, so here we go.
I didn't get any sleep last night. I woke up so many times I lost count. I also had a nightmare last night. You think that waking up so many times would make it go away, or usually if you stay awake long enough you won't have that dream again. Nope. Not last night. Every time I DID fall back asleep, I went right back into that nightmare. It was awful and by the time I got up for work I was not only sick with exhaustion, I felt absolutely miserable and upset. It was such a bad dream and it put me in an awful mood. :(
And since I'm complaining, I'm going to take it a step further and say some things I've been wanting to say for a while now.
If you don't feel like talking, that's fine. We don't have to. I'm sick of these god dang games.
I'm sick of trying so dang hard for people who don't do jack for me or act like they give a damn.
I'm sick of busting my butt in all aspects of life and seeming like it's getting me no where.
I'm tired of caring in general. It doesn't seem like it's paying off anymore and it's making me a bitter person.
My life needs to change directions, but you see, I don't think I really want that. I try so dang hard for the people in my life because they mean something to me. They're there for a reason, and I care about them. Why is it too much to ask for the same dang effort in return? Why? Why am I not worth it?
I'm sick of asking myself that question.
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I LOVE YOU!
ReplyDeleteThanks, I was emotional when I wrote this. I choose to be in the situations I am with certain people. I have to remind myself that sometimes.
ReplyDeleteSometimes, you can't help it. There's times when the person hurts/confuses you over and over again, but the love for them is so strong, the pain doesn't matter.
ReplyDeleteYeah. :) I'm trying to minimize my bitching and enjoy what I have. For now.
ReplyDeleteThere was a line in a song I posted on facebook.
"Sleepless nights means something lying awake for"
A lot of people 'liked' it on facebook. I don't think they understood it. It's a really sad line. It might not have the same meaning out of context with the rest of the song, but it's a really sad picture being painted. What I'm getting at though, is each time I hear it, I know that the pain I might feel in any given day is momentary. That certain things are worth fighting for, and that I forget, easily, that it's not supposed to be easy.
What matters most to me is to know I tried my absolute hardest. That's where I'm at right now at least...