Step-by-step

I'm really stressed out right now if that isn't already evident. I'm getting to a point where my body and mind don't want anything to do with preparation for this interview. I've had Microsoft Word up for a while now trying to prepare for two more interview questions that were brought to my attention by an adviser. Simple things like 'tell me about yourself' and 'what classes have you taken that have molded your interests in psychology'. You think those questions are easy, but do you ever really go beyond 'I like to help people' or 'this stuff interests me' when you're explaining why you do what you do to other people?

It's making my stomach turn just thinking about it. I'm still beyond tired too. I called out of work today because I NEEDED more sleep, and time to get myself organized. I went to my only class and came back home to crash. I had a pretty nice nap, but I still feel exhausted. Again, I know fully why I feel this way. I have enough experience with stress to know how my body typically reacts, and I know it'll all be over soon, but man, it really is a struggle making it through this week.

I'm really disappointed in a lot of people too. I've made it plenty clear in many ways, or I've tried to, to explain how important this process, obtaining an interview, and getting through the interview is to me and my future, and yet, I feel very unsupported. My parents have been telling me I'll be fine, and that my hard work will pay off. Thanks, I hope so too, but really, is that all you have? But they're older, none of them know what this is like, so okay, they are off the hook. What about my friends? I know I have been rambling about this for some time, painting vivid images of what this process is like so they'd understand, and still, what do I get? 'You'll be fine, don't worry so much.' Are you serious?

That's not acceptable to me. I know it's easy for me to know what I'd like from someone right now, because yeah, I'm in my own mind knowing what my needs are right now, but is it REALLY that hard to check up on me more, ask me how I'm doing, and dig deeper than 'yeah, it sucks'? Even if maybe they DON'T understand how awful this process is, I don't need to understand what they are going through when they go through it. I still call them, text them, facebook them, do what I have to do to get it across to them that, Hey, I might not be able to relate, but I care about you and how you're feeling, and I can tell that you're struggling, and I might not be able to give the best options right now, but I'm not going to stop trying because I want to strengthen you when you feel weak.

So I'm hoping you actually give a damn, because if not, we have a bigger issue at hand. If it's REALLY not clear, what I need right now is for you to see how I'm doing throughout the whole day. Check up on me until Friday, and when I'm done Friday, give a damn about how it went. Be interested in what they asked me, and how I responded. Care about how I freaking feel. Encourage me. Give me pep talks. Don't tell me I'll breeze through it, tell me you know it's hard, but to go in with confidence and try my best, that in the end that's all I can do anyway. Maybe if I got a realistic encouragement from a friend then I might be more receptive to 'you're awesome, you can do this'. Stop leaving me alone in my panic. I'm struggling to stay afloat.