Another night I go to bed feeling unsatisfied. Honestly, I just don't get how to be anymore clear about my expectations, about my desires or my needs. I don't even know if that's it anymore. I guess I still haven't learned that you can't make people change or make feelings change. I guess what I want isn't as important as someone else's wants. I don't like saying that, and I really hope I'm wrong. I'm tired of feeling pushed away and as second best. I feel the affects on myself and in me. It's going to make me stop caring, and it's stupid. It shouldn't be this way, and it doesn't have to be this way. Why? Why do people push away those who love them?
It's been a pretty sad excuse of the past couple weeks. A lot of really crappy things are happening around me to myself and to good people. I've been trying to stick to my roll-with-the-punches attitude, but it's getting me down. I still feel afloat in all the crap, but barely. I really just want this week to be over. I want to be done with studying. I want to be home.
Please God get me through this.
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